Thank you again for taking the time to hear our story. So far we’ve talked about why chose to foster, what placement of our first child looked like, facing fears and entering into the unknown, and some of the lesson’s we’ve learned as parents in the world of foster parenting. Today we plan to talk about the placement of our second child.
In December 2018 we were experiencing our first Christmas with a child. It was a beautiful season, and we enjoyed all of the fun festivities with our then 15 month old boy. In this season, as we were taking trips to visit Santa and preparing gifts for our loved ones, we were also processing some pretty big considerations as to our next steps. You see, early that month, there was rumor that his biological mom was pregnant. There was no confirmation of this, but as the weeks progressed and we continued on with weekly visits with the family, the expectation of a newborn increased. For a long time, Kyle did not want to believe that it was true and therefore did not want to make plans around a topic that was merely a rumor. I understood his perspective, but there came a day in January that I told him – I understand that they are rumors, but since I’m seeing evidence of this rumor being true, and because we understood the importance of sibling placement, we needed to face the reality that there is a baby coming, and we could be considered for placement.
Sibling bonds are important to consider when taking a placement of a foster child. Similar to how we discussed last week, the importance of supporting the relationship with the biological parents (if appropriate), the child’s relationship with their siblings must be supported as well. Depending on the size of the family, unfortunately, sometimes siblings are separated into different foster homes as appropriate placement needs to be made timely and thoughtfully. When considering a newborn sibling, as in our case, we felt it was of utmost importance for the child to grow up with their brother, Lil C. There is so much to consider in their development (for both C and K) and we desired for them to have that biological family connection daily available to them.
We had no true timeline of when this baby was coming. We didn’t know what it was like to raise 2 kids, especially so close in age, especially when we’ve only been raising the boy for 8 months! But, we felt that if the baby needed a home, we would be an appropriate fit. Once Kyle and I came to an agreement that we were 90% likely to take placement of this newborn, we told our parents and siblings. We were nervous about the idea; there was SO MUCH unknown. We prepared our hearts and minds. We set up our second crib (but did not have another crib mattress) and prepared a few drawers for clothes and cabinet space for bottles. We made sure to soak up every opportunity we had alone with C to make him feel special and known. We answered every call with eagerness, and we waited.
On January 22nd we had a court hearing. Without going into detail, it was a very important court hearing. That day, we took PTO from our jobs, dropped off C early at daycare to ensure we would arrive early at the hearing. We arrived at court and waited a while, waiting to be called into the hearing. We learned upon the invitation to begin the hearing that some participants were unable to make it, and therefore court was adjourned. The next day I (Erin) had Jury Duty. I spent the entire day waiting for my cohort to be called, and was not, until, the final round, and was then instructed to come back the following day, so the case could actually be heard. I was clearly frustrated, now having to miss three days of work in one week for purposes that were not ideal. On my walk out to the parking garage that first day of Jury Duty, I received a call from the worker. During the call, I was SO distracted because I could not find my car and because I was texting my supervisor and checking my work emails, trying to ensure matters were taken care with work, knowing I would not return the following day. Perhaps I should not have taken the call at that time, knowing my state of mind, but like I said, I was answering any and all calls and text because we were in expectation of news. Our worker said to my distracted self- “you were right, a baby girl was born yesterday.” I laughed at the timing and at my frustrations in the present moment, yet happy to near about the newborn we had set our hearts upon. She proceeded to tell me the details she knew- it’s a girl; she’s healthy, etc. She told us not to buy anything or make concrete plans for placement, as there may be a relative who is available to take placement of the child, and that there is no known discharge date yet. The following day at Jury Duty I wanted nothing more than to just be glued to my phone waiting on the call. I was dismissed by noon, they filled the jury before my number was called. I was relieved – my mind was focused on other matters! I then went to my office to inform my supervisor of the baby. I told her I did not know what to expect with my schedule, but I would communicate as best as possible. She was incredibly graceful to me, working with the flexibility I needed, while ensuring I had what I needed to continue succeeding in my role at work.
That weekend, we followed our case managers instructions – we did nothing to prepare for the baby. There was no guarantee she would be ours, and we did not want to create a ton of chaos of planning, if it was not necessary. This weekend, to continue through the week, was identified as Michigan’s Polar Vortex. It made the waiting game a bit easier, as it was dangerous to be on the roads; everyone was encouraged to stay inside, if possible.
January 28th, on a Monday, we got the call around 10am that she was ready for pick up- by us! No relatives or other homes were identified, they wanted to place her with a sibling, we were willing…and so they did. Clearly, after that call, my mind was no longer focused on work. I wrapped up a few things, grabbed the equipment needed to work at home, at headed out at noon. Excited and terrified, we had so much to get for a newborn! I drove to the store and bought a crib mattress and some hair bows while simultaneously calling my parents and brother to inform them we were picking up a newborn today! Obviously, Kyle and I were on and off the phone repetitively throughout these hours, and he was in charge of informing his side of the family. I then drove to pick up some clothes from my sister-in-law for a newborn girl. Now, while this was happening, my personal phone clearly had my whole attention, clearly not a safe thing to do while driving in the Polar Vortex. The workers said if they had any further information or questions for us, they would call us, so I was waiting for their calls. During this time, my work phone was ringing a TON! I do not usually receive a ton of calls on that phone, and clearly I could not focus my attention on work, so I ignored the calls. Meanwhile, it turns out that CPS was calling the wrong number trying to reach me- they were calling my work number, which I was ignoring. So, they began calling Kyle.
I (Kyle) was working from home that day as it was literally a blizzard, it easily was dropping 6-8in of snow outside. I’m not one to pick up numbers I do not recognize; but I knew that day was different. Sure enough in calls an unknown number and I picked up and they confirmed that I was Mr. Schneider and that my wife and I were willing to take placement of the new baby. I confirmed and they went on to explain that in most cases, CPS would accommodate transporting the child to the home. Given the weather and the unplowed roads they couldn’t commit to this service and they couldn’t give an estimate on when someone would be able too. So they started to explain that they could remain in the hospital, but in my heart, I knew that wasn’t an option, I told them we’d be there to pick up the baby later that night.
Kyle and I both arrived at the house about 4PM that day. I installed C’s big boy car seat in the car, packed a baby bag, and through the mattress with a fitted sheet in the crib. I am sure I hadn’t eaten that day; my mind, and body and mouth, were going a mile a minute. Meanwhile, the roads were growing increasingly worse.
Then, we picked up C from daycare and began our 1.5 hour drive (what normally would be 30 minutes) to the hospital. We wanted C to be at the hospital with us to meet his sister, but we didn’t realize he was not allowed, and we had to visit separately. I (Erin) saw her first – baby K, what a beauty! We fell in love with her instantly. The nurse went through all of the discharge information (took about an hour) before I even got to hold K! It was probably for the best, I needed to settle my nerves of adrenaline before holding such a small baby! Once I had a short time with her, I gave Kyle his chance!
Erin was back talking with the hospital staff for probably an hour and a half. Meanwhile, I (Kyle) was tasked with entertaining an 16mo old with waiting room magazines and stacking sugar packets. It seemed like an eternity! Finally, once Erin came back, we swapped places. I washed up and headed to the small crib where I met lil K for the first time. My heart dropped and the word that came to mind was “masterpiece”. We now have a banner of this word over her crib in our home. Every night, she now under the truth that she is a handcrafted reflective image of the God of the universe.
I (Erin) went back in again, fed her, got her dressed, and prepared our departure. After about 3 hours, we were discharged, and we went home with two babies. We got home around 10PM that night. Our first family picture is hilarious; as it appears as if C is terrified of this new child…when in fact he was way over tired! We put them to sleep and began our adventure of newborn’s sleep schedule. It was clearly a new stage…but, just like 8 months prior, we figured it out.
Now, we wanted to uncover some of the finer details that led us to baby K. One HUGE part of our decision to accept placement of baby K was childcare. Infants cannot be placed in daycare until 6 weeks old, and we both worked full-time. I (Erin) just took 3 days off the week prior, and I did not have enough PTO banked up to have an official maternity leave. Every employer has different standings on FMLA practices, and my company does allow it for foster care placements and adoption; however, you need to use PTO and then when thats exhausted, take unpaid time. The thing was, I didn’t have enough PTO saved up! We didn’t know that we were getting a baby; I was not pregnant and able to save up my time to accommodate an expected blessing. We had used up my PTO for sick days for C, he was OFTEN sent home the first few months with HFM, fevers, etc. Then, we took two vacations in the fall of 2018, without having reason to reserve my hours. Then, when K came in late January, I had only about one week of PTO available, which I spread out as much as possible. I did this through using my PTO to take random half days over the next several weeks and months to accommodate medical appointments for her and provide childcare. I am so grateful that my job allowed me to take the unexpected time I needed! This was quite difficult, because we were doing everything that involved the care of a newborn- feeding every two hours, diapers, nail clippings, baths, up all through the night, the worry of her breathing, and then… going to work the next day. We did all of this even in her first critical weeks of life. I didn’t get maternity leave, and I grieve that, but I am so grateful for how God worked it out.
So, how did we make it work? We prayed and told God that if we are supposed to have this child, we were willing, but HE needed to make a plan for childcare; that He would need to pave the path, that we could not see at the time. And that is exactly what God did. Kyle’s employer was generous and allowed for him to work from home 2x a week. The other 2-3 days a week my mom stayed with K. Now, my mom had planned to go to her home in Florida, this was her first winter since she retired and had planned to spend an extended amount of time in the beautiful sun! She planned to leave on January 30th. We had previous conversations of about the what if, and when it came to decision time – she sacrificed an entire month that she could have been spending in Florida- to help us out and care for baby K. Honestly, we could not have accepted placement of baby K if it was not for my mom, her sacrifice was huge and means so much to us! She gave us the ability to parent K, by caring for her in those first 5 weeks of life!
2019 held many new changes for our family, to clearly include parenting a newborn and a 16 month old. As any new mom would say, the newborn stage was hard! But, we loved every minute of it! Amidst caring for these two within 2019, we also were invested in doing weekly in-person visits with biological parents, weekly home visits by a county case worker for developmental monitoring, monthly foster care case manager visits, a monthly nurse home visiting program, quarterly family team meetings and court hearings, and we were both working full time. We then also turned in Kyle’s old car and bought a family van and about 6 months later- a house, each of which were much more suited for a growing family! What a busy year 2019 was! But, God sustained us, he truly is the only reason we had strength to care for those babies during our sleepless nights, to learning their feeding patterns, learning best practices for their skin and hair, and making major life decisions for the purpose of a growing family – unknown to if they will actually be our forever family. We do not know what is ahead, if they will be ours, or if we will have a different set of kids, or none at all, but we trusted and continue to trust that God will provide.
Referencing back to video one – one of my biggest hesitations in fostering was that I knew how stressful it could be. You may think taking placement of a new child is the most stressful piece, and while it certainly is stressful, it’s also incredibly exciting! I would say the hardest, most stressful pieces are the in between times when you are waiting. Waiting on court, waiting on direction, waiting for a change. I mentioned earlier that we had an important court on January 22nd, which was adjourned. The hearing was rescheduled mid-February. That day, we anticipated a big change, and it ended with no change at all, and that was the issue. So, we continued on, now 1.5 years later, with no further change in the permanency of the case. Recently, we faced another very important hearing, over zoom this time. Voices were heard, opinions were shared, and the result remained the same. These are times of stress, disappointment, and anger; and yet, we choose to find joy in the beauty of the waiting. Right now, everyone and everything is on hold due to COVID-19. This case feels like it’s been on hold for the entire two years we have had placement of these children. As frustrating as it can be, in the waiting, with no change in site, we are grateful that we continue to have another day with these kids, for however long God allows. We don’t know why there is no change, no permanency, but we are trusting there’s a reason for it, and we will trust HIM in the waiting.
C is now 2 ½ years old, K is 16 months. C has always been an incredible big brother to K, he is seriously the sweetest little boy! But it was not until probably Christmas this past year when they were learned to actually play together. It was not until 4 weeks into quarantine though, that they learned to self-sufficiently play together or even by themselves, without one of us! Now that they do, we actually have time to do a quick round of dishes or switch over the laundry! It’s a beautiful thing! These kids love each other an incredible amount, and they love us too. We are so happy so said yes to K, as these two need each other. These two are constantly giggling and running around together. They dance and sing and make animal noises all day long. They also put everything in their mouth, have tantrums, and get mad at each other over toys hogging. As much as we are tired and could use a date night, we would not to spend this time in quarantine any other way! These two bring us so much joy and laughter to our lives; we are richly blessed because of them!
One of my (Kyle) spiritual disciplines is to keep a prayer journal. They’re my sacred scribble pads. In all honesty, they’re my most prized possessions as they hold a record of my heart throughout the years as well words from God, both promises and revelations. I recently went back to 2019 and looked at the journal around the time of Lil K’s birth and placement in our home:
January 22, 2019 (Lil K’s birthday, written before we knew she was born):
God brought me Mark 9:37;“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”
Paraphrasing, I have written:
“Receive this child, you receive Jesus”
Another entry from the week of late January 2019:
“God has made everything beautiful on this time. He has set eternity in the hearts of all men…I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added or taken from it. God does it so that men will fear him” Ecclesiastes 3:15
Paraphrasing, I have written:
Everything beautiful, in its time. Everything eternal, at all times
We are so thankful that God prepared our hearts to receive and welcome Lil K into our home. She is a beautiful masterpiece. The Father’s timing and plan for us all is perfect and is always on time. He is good and He can be trusted.
Wholly Home 
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